a rough start

To be honest, I don't know what I'm doing. I know I type faster then I write so here is where my thoughts are going.
I am at a loss as I sit here wondering what to type. I don't know what I hope to accomplish except that I need to write these things down before I go crazy.

I was reading Blus Like Jazz today by Donald Miller. God really spoke to me about my pride and how I judge other Christians. This is all good because I prayed and asked God to speak to me and tell me what he wants me to hear. The problem is that when he did, I cringed. I hated hearing about my own faults. I need to go to a friend of mine and appologize for something.
You see my pride gets in the way of pretty much everything I do. Especially when that action could possibly glorify God. Pride is defiently Satan's gift to humanity. Just think what the world would look like if pride didn't exsist. I would not have to think twice about what I thought others thought of me. How freeing would that be? Oh, if only I could not care what others thought of me. I would never struggle with self worth. I think I would be so much more free to bask in God's love for me and I also think that I would be able to love people so much better!

I have decided that from now on, I am going to try and find what Jesus did in different situations. I don't think the bible was written just so we could skim over it and think, "Hmm, that's interesting." I think that in order to find what I need to think and do in different situations, I need to find what Jesus would do. I want to read the gospels in a new way. Not just as a story but as an example. I want to pick apart what was really happening in each little chapter. So bare with me as I try to find the heart of Jesus.
God, show me what exatly you want me to do in each moment. Soften my heart and ears that I might hear you and percieve you better. I want to react to you not just listen. Please humble me when my pride gets in the way. I know I wont like it in the moment but "pride comes before a fall" and I think that after a fall comes you. So break me and mold into your will not mine or the will of this fallen world. Lord, help me to be a vessel but if there is something I must learn before you can use me, do whatever it takes that I might learn it. I know that I am probably asking for more then I realize but I know you'll be with me through every step I take. God, I freakin love you! I can't put to words what you mean to me and that is a beautiful thing! It's in your Son's name I pray, Amen!!