waitin at the airport

July 3, 2009

Delta airlines plays a pleasant video with safety instructions rather than having a host/hostess talk over the intercom.  There is a very pleasant young woman on the video who talks you through the emergency procedures.  Her calming voice really makes you feel relaxed with promises of pleasantry and complimentary services.

However, I would like to submit the following script modifications for future remaking of this video.  I have inserted the lines that I feel the Delta video leaves out.   [ ] indicates the script modifications I have inserted.

“Welcome aboard Delta Airlines.  We would like to thank you for choosing to travel with us.  Each seat is equipped with a seat belt. [If it doesn’t work right, that’s ok.  They are just for looks. They wouldn’t do a darn thing for ya if we actually hit the side of a mountain]  Please fasten your seat belt whenever you are seated.  [This will continue to give you the allusion that you have any control over your own safety on this flight.  It’s kinda like a security blanket]  The captain will turn off the fasten seat belt sign when it is safe to move about the cabin.  [Children will abuse this privilege and run throughout the isles.  Although the thought will occur in your mind, please be patient and DO NOT close line any of them as they zip past.]

In the unlikely [ but possible] event of an emergency the exit doors are clearly marked.  There are two at the front of the plane, four above the wings, and two in the back. [Again, these also do not function as child disposal portals.  Your patience is kindly appreciated with the little ones.]  Each door is equipped with a self inflating life raft in case of a water landing. Your seat cushion can also serve as a flotation device. [Again, not really gonna do much…when was the last time you heard of a water landing with survivors?  Except of course for that one fluke in the Hudson.] If you are seated in an emergency exit row please make sure to review the exit row instructions. [The likelihood of us surviving a crash is like 1 in 1000 so don’t worry about reading those too carefully.  A good skim through the pamphlet so that the other passengers seated near you think you know what you are doing is sufficient.]  

Incase of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will automatically drop from the ceiling.  Please fasten and secure your own mask before helping others around you.  [You may wonder, “Why would the cabin lose pressure?”  If there is a leak in the cabin or if a terrorist blows out a window a drop in cabin pressure is likely.  In such an event we know that the cabin will turn to chaos so the oxygen is laced with laughing gas to calm everyone down.]   

Once the aircraft has reached cruising altitude, we will be providing a complimentary snack and beverage service. [We also provide complimentary white noise for your sleeping pleasure…we have randomly seated children throughout the cabin who will cry intermittently through the night.  There are also free massages…the child behind you who will kick the seat each time she/he shifts positions.  The frequency of this event is not guaranteed and will likely wake you from the few moments of sleep you were getting.] The flight attendants will also be taking your Sky Mall orders.  All Sky Mall purchases are duty free [but we have jacked up the prices so you’re really not saving much]. 

Again, thank you for choosing Delta [we know you were just looking for the cheapest flight but hey, we’ll take it].  Have a nice flight.” 

[end scene]

Dad and I landed in the JFK airport an hour earlier than was scheduled so we now have 5 ½ hours to just relax until we finally fly to Indy at 12:30pm.  I love kids…except for on flights.  Dad and I are pretty tired from a flight with little kids who enjoyed loud conversation through the night with short breaks for periods of recreation up and down the isles.  Cute, but seriously kids?

We stood in lots of lines today…passport check, security, ticketing, security again, oversized baggage check (for the guitar), another round of security, money exchange, and finally boarding. Then at the US airport we stood in line for passport check, baggage claim, customs, rechecking our baggage, shuttle service to our terminal, oversized baggage check (I love traveling with a guitar), and security into our terminal.   In the last 20 hours of our lives, Dad and I have spent 12 in the air and at least 4 standing in lines in the airports.  I am not complaining because I appreciate all the safety precautions that they take but…ok there is a little bit of a complaint in there. 

But here’s the ironic thing…once we finally got a chance to relax the first thing Dad chose to do was wait in line again.  Starbucks.  Enough said.

As I was waiting for Dad while he got our coffees, I was thinking about what I would write about once I finally got a chance to sit and blog.  I was laughing to myself about the irony of Dad being back in line.  Then I thought about how coffee shops bring a strange sense of normalcy as Dad and I discovered on the busy streets of Jerusalem.  It is almost like a feeling of being “home” in a foreign place.  A deeper sense of home comes when you discover that a stranger is a believer in the middle of conversation.  This happened several times in Israel.  I would be talking to an Israeli who I assumed was Jewish or Muslim or secular and then randomly in mid conversation I figured out that they too believed that Christ is who he says he is.  In those moments I felt community between myself and a stranger, even if only for a short conversation. 

Now I am a 2 ½ hour flight away from Indy where I’ll get off the plane, say hey to my sisters and then drive to Missouri with Kristen for Ashley and Nate’s wedding which I am singing in tomorrow (hence the guitar in Israel). 

Only three (boarding, baggage claim, oversize baggage claim) more lines to go,

Haley Kate