relationships and love

College life has taught me a lot. One of the things that has caught me off gaurd the most is relationships. I've thought, for some time now, that I pretty much knew how they worked, relationships that is. I have found it is much harder to love someone when you're with them all the time. Love does not come so easily from me as I thought it would.

I have never had a fear of what a friend would think of. Here, I have come to know differently. I fear that if someone gets to know me, the true me, the me I normally hide; they might reject that. I so badly want to make and keep good friends here but I am finding this fear is having a way of creeping in. I have yet to be able to let me guard down with any of my new friends. And that gets tiring.

People can only know us so well. There comes a point when we can have told someone everything there is to know about us, and still there is parts of us they dont know. There are debths in usthat only God can reach. It is beautiful but it causes problems for me. Sometimes I forget this and feels hurt when people don't understand these depths of me. They miss parts of me, who I truely am.

All this has helped me come to know what it is to want to go home. Not to my earthly home but back to my creator. I know that I can never been truely and completely be known by any human, no matter how much they love me. It is a day like this that leaves me longing to be with my Heavenly Father.

I am not sad at this because the beauty of it all is that through this, I am able to love my God more. I am able to yearn, ache for Him on a different level. I now know what David was trying to put to words when he wrote the 139th Psalm. God has searched us and is the only one who truely knows us. The Bible says God is love. He really is. He has love but more importantly he is love, and that is why I yearn for Him.