Day 5

I have been unable to fully process all that i have been experiencing thus far. i have so looked forward to this trip that joy has just been pouring out of my back home. Now that i am here, i'm moved in and i have started to see what 'here' is, well, let's just say i feel a bit like those dreams we all have some time. you know the one where you go to school with out pants on. i feel like i walked in completely confident and have now looked down to see that i am not wearing any pants. the language barrier is much stronger than i had originally expected and being a very relational person, i struggle with not being able to talk very much with the Lighthouse boys and Kroo Bay kids.

For example, Jeremy, Eric, and I wanted to walk to the beach so we started down a very rocky road. After about 5 minutes of walking we realized that this was no short cut. We were walking through a very large slum. As we passed small closet-sized 'homes' filled with people, we started to feel very uncomfortable. I felt like they were looking at us like, ''why are you here? You must be SO lost.'' But I wasn't lost, I wanted so badly to sit and talk with them but for the first time, I feel like my affluence is a hindrance. I wished I was wearing torn clothing with flip flops so worn that my heel touched the dirt. Because then i would feel like I deserved to talk with them. But my nice clothes, bottle filled with filtered water, and nice back pack made me feel like I didn't deserve a second of their time.

This is not a rare occurance, I have walked through many slums in the 5 days that i have been here. I started trying to think of what i could do to bless them. I thought about buying a new soccer ball and finding a group of kids playing with a dirty one and ask to trade, or buy a meal and give it to one of the countless families I've seen eating nothing but rice. I went to bed disheartened after all of this not being able to connect with these people in the way that i had expected. So as I went to sleep, unable to journal because I was unable to even understand what was going on, I simply told God that I want to serve these people but I am unsure of how to so he needed to show me.

The next morning Faye (the leader of our team) came over for breakfast and a sort of devotional time together. I teared up as I heard God's answer being read to me from a piece of paper that Faye brought to share with us. (to read the article, click link at bottom) I had been looking at my neighbors as needing my help. They do not need my help, there is nothing to fix. All I can do is serve them in the way that they deserve. When we help or try to fix people we are not seeing them as equal. Yes I can buy them a new soccer ball or a meal but that only masks the wounds for a brief period. On the other hand, if I truely humble myself as Christ did, I will experience what serving is really about. Only service heals.

Faye read us a psalm today after we spent some time in silence listening to God. It said that God confides in those who fear him and trust him. Isn't that a beautiful picture? God confiding in us? I guess the only question to ask is Do I truly fear and wholeheartedly trust God?

Haley Kate


http://www.wordmadeflesh.com/learn/sermons/2006_07_09_B7_Rachel_Naomi_Remen_In_the_Service_of_Life.doc