be still and know
So I sent my mom an e-mail this past week telling her about something that has changed the way I pray and told her she could send it to everybody. I had just asked er to tell everybody at home hi and that I love them so the everybody I was talking about in that email was my family but she sent it to her "prayer warriors" and friends and I have been so blessed by the response and challenged to share it with my blog family. So here's that e-mail:
----------------------
October 24, 2006
Well, this past weekend I was pretty sick but Jeremy was WAY sick. He has had amoebic dissentary and the doctor doesn't know what I had but it was miserable for both of us. He said he'd never been so sick in his life. It was bad but we're both way better know, just tired cause we haven't been eating much. We both spent basically all of Fridaynight, Saturday, Sunday and for Jeremy Monday laying down and gettin sick. I was throwing up and he had diahrrea (sp?). Katie, Eric, Faye and Cami got a kick out of us b/c we were just laying down on the two couches (which we had pushed next to eachother b/c we were tired of being alone) and basically doing nothing but trying to make eachother laugh to take our minds off of stuff and when we weren't doing that we were just sleeping or gettin sick. It was good times.
Then Monday afternoon a bunch of the lighthouse kids came over (I call them kids even though most are only like 3 years younger than me and some are older). Because I had been sick for the past 3 days I hadn't taken my anti-depressants so I could tell I was not going to be very sociable. I really wanted to be able to hang out with them b/c they were all in SUCH a good mood (it was a national holiday, "pray day", the end of Rahmadon) and having a good time. But my depression just wouldn't let me express the joy in my heart, only the lie of my emotions. So I went out on the porch by myself and just sat trying to write something, anything but I found myself gettin frusterated that I couldn't be doing what I wanted just b/c of my depression. being sick had left me physically exhausted and now depression was exhausting me mentally. I just started crying and trying to fight it off but it wasn't working and I knew I wasn't going to stop crying anytime soon. Then 2 ladies came lookin for Cami so I had to quickly dry my eyes and show them in the house.
I decided I would only causing a problem if anyone came out and saw me so I grabbed my stuff and went into the empty bed room. Once I got in there, I just let go and was crying, weeping so hard I was having a hard time breathing. My depression has never made me feel like THIS before so I knew there had to be more to it. I started prayin and tellin God that I couldn't do this anymore. I want to be able to funciton and be with people. I was tired and wanted just to be with people not cryin in a back room. the more I prayed the harder it was gettin to breath and I realized this was more than depresssion this was spiritual warfare and I was at the front. This went on for about 30 minutes then Jeremy came in and saw the state I was in, basically hyperventilating and kneeling at the bedand he asked if I wanted him to stay I said I don't care so he just creeped out. But like a minute later Faye came in and I was mid prayer so I could barely breath. She came over and just held me and asked if 'this' was b/c of my depression. I said yes but it's more than that now, it's spiritual warfare. Never in my life have I ever felt the presence of God and the lies of the Enemy so strongly at the same time. My mind was just racing with lies and yet I also kept hearing "be still, and know that I am God". I wasn't really scared because I knew Jesus would win but it was just like my body and mind had become the battle ground. I was writing about it last night in my journal and I said it felt like Christ was holding me with his left arm and pushing the enemy back with his right. the second I started believing the lies at all and pull out of His arm the war would rage harder and then I would hear "be still, and know that I am God".
Just the fact that someone was there with me (Katie had now come in as well) was an answer to prayer and helped me to start to calm down. I kept prayin silently and Faye just rubbed my back and reminded me to keep breathing slowly. Finally, after about 30 more minutes of that, my breathing was back to normal and the fight was over for the time being. I was breathing so hard and I just lay down on the groud. I've never felt so physically exhausted. Katie asked if I'd rather lay on the bed, so they put a sheet on the empty matress and I struggled to lift myself up. Finally rest had come. I was SO tired. Katie was fanning me with a piece of paper b/c I was sweating like crazy. As I lay there with my eyes shut I just kept asking God, what do you want me to do now? At the time I had not had time to reflect and gather my thoughts as I have now. My mind was racing with thoughts and I knew I just needed to rest and God would tell me what to do later. Finally I fell asleep.
I woke up that evening and I had such a peace. I didn't really know what I was supposed to do other that I wanted to spend time with the lighthouse kids. So thank God I was able to spend the rest of the night with them. This morning we had a devotional on Isaiah 42:1-17. I sat amazed as I read exatly what god wanted to tell me. The small display of His power yesterday has changed the way I think of Christ's willingness to fight for us and God's love for us. God loves us SO stinkin much and I know these meager words do not do his Great Love justice. But I am so in awe of Him.
I still processing it today but I am just amazed.
----------------------
I share this with you praying that it will draw you closer to Him and allow you to rest easy in His embrace. He loves you like mad and frankly, it is our loss if we don't understand it and allow him to love us.
Be still and know
haley kate
----------------------
October 24, 2006
Well, this past weekend I was pretty sick but Jeremy was WAY sick. He has had amoebic dissentary and the doctor doesn't know what I had but it was miserable for both of us. He said he'd never been so sick in his life. It was bad but we're both way better know, just tired cause we haven't been eating much. We both spent basically all of Fridaynight, Saturday, Sunday and for Jeremy Monday laying down and gettin sick. I was throwing up and he had diahrrea (sp?). Katie, Eric, Faye and Cami got a kick out of us b/c we were just laying down on the two couches (which we had pushed next to eachother b/c we were tired of being alone) and basically doing nothing but trying to make eachother laugh to take our minds off of stuff and when we weren't doing that we were just sleeping or gettin sick. It was good times.
Then Monday afternoon a bunch of the lighthouse kids came over (I call them kids even though most are only like 3 years younger than me and some are older). Because I had been sick for the past 3 days I hadn't taken my anti-depressants so I could tell I was not going to be very sociable. I really wanted to be able to hang out with them b/c they were all in SUCH a good mood (it was a national holiday, "pray day", the end of Rahmadon) and having a good time. But my depression just wouldn't let me express the joy in my heart, only the lie of my emotions. So I went out on the porch by myself and just sat trying to write something, anything but I found myself gettin frusterated that I couldn't be doing what I wanted just b/c of my depression. being sick had left me physically exhausted and now depression was exhausting me mentally. I just started crying and trying to fight it off but it wasn't working and I knew I wasn't going to stop crying anytime soon. Then 2 ladies came lookin for Cami so I had to quickly dry my eyes and show them in the house.
I decided I would only causing a problem if anyone came out and saw me so I grabbed my stuff and went into the empty bed room. Once I got in there, I just let go and was crying, weeping so hard I was having a hard time breathing. My depression has never made me feel like THIS before so I knew there had to be more to it. I started prayin and tellin God that I couldn't do this anymore. I want to be able to funciton and be with people. I was tired and wanted just to be with people not cryin in a back room. the more I prayed the harder it was gettin to breath and I realized this was more than depresssion this was spiritual warfare and I was at the front. This went on for about 30 minutes then Jeremy came in and saw the state I was in, basically hyperventilating and kneeling at the bedand he asked if I wanted him to stay I said I don't care so he just creeped out. But like a minute later Faye came in and I was mid prayer so I could barely breath. She came over and just held me and asked if 'this' was b/c of my depression. I said yes but it's more than that now, it's spiritual warfare. Never in my life have I ever felt the presence of God and the lies of the Enemy so strongly at the same time. My mind was just racing with lies and yet I also kept hearing "be still, and know that I am God". I wasn't really scared because I knew Jesus would win but it was just like my body and mind had become the battle ground. I was writing about it last night in my journal and I said it felt like Christ was holding me with his left arm and pushing the enemy back with his right. the second I started believing the lies at all and pull out of His arm the war would rage harder and then I would hear "be still, and know that I am God".
Just the fact that someone was there with me (Katie had now come in as well) was an answer to prayer and helped me to start to calm down. I kept prayin silently and Faye just rubbed my back and reminded me to keep breathing slowly. Finally, after about 30 more minutes of that, my breathing was back to normal and the fight was over for the time being. I was breathing so hard and I just lay down on the groud. I've never felt so physically exhausted. Katie asked if I'd rather lay on the bed, so they put a sheet on the empty matress and I struggled to lift myself up. Finally rest had come. I was SO tired. Katie was fanning me with a piece of paper b/c I was sweating like crazy. As I lay there with my eyes shut I just kept asking God, what do you want me to do now? At the time I had not had time to reflect and gather my thoughts as I have now. My mind was racing with thoughts and I knew I just needed to rest and God would tell me what to do later. Finally I fell asleep.
I woke up that evening and I had such a peace. I didn't really know what I was supposed to do other that I wanted to spend time with the lighthouse kids. So thank God I was able to spend the rest of the night with them. This morning we had a devotional on Isaiah 42:1-17. I sat amazed as I read exatly what god wanted to tell me. The small display of His power yesterday has changed the way I think of Christ's willingness to fight for us and God's love for us. God loves us SO stinkin much and I know these meager words do not do his Great Love justice. But I am so in awe of Him.
I still processing it today but I am just amazed.
----------------------
I share this with you praying that it will draw you closer to Him and allow you to rest easy in His embrace. He loves you like mad and frankly, it is our loss if we don't understand it and allow him to love us.
Be still and know
haley kate
posted by Haley Kate @ 1:17 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home