It's not mine

A.W.Tozer talks about how as Christians we sometimes forget that just because we are saved doesn't mean our pursuit is over. I believe that the continual pursuit of God is SO importance once we're saved. I cannot put to words what it is that God is revealing to me, teaching me, and doing in my life right now. It is so amazing to me! Here and now is where I find my pursuit becomes critical. I need to be able to articulate the love and peace of God. I don't know that I will ever be able to do that perfectly while I’m still here on earth because, perhaps, our vocabulary isn't vast enough.

My relationship with my Heavenly Father is just that, a relationship; no matter what I say, there are things that only I can understand because I have experienced and felt them. That’s how it is with God. No matter what I tell someone there are aspects of this amazing relationship that I cannot put to words. They are things that others must experience. Once one has experienced God in this way, one can relate to what I am saying. It is these times with God, when I feel like I truly am His daughter, when I feel like if He were any nearer I could feel His breath. The fact that He takes the time to have a personal encounter with me, on a regular basis even, is what keeps me hard after Him. Who am I to deserve that? I’ve made MANY mistakes in my life and I continue to make them daily.

The hard part of this relationship is that sometimes I have to hurt in order to move in the right direction. I have heard our relationship with God compared to a sculptor. If we are the rock that the sculptor is going to make into a beautiful statue, he is going to have to chip parts of the rock away until it is perfect. That’s how it is with God. Sometimes the chipping hurts but it is going to be so beautiful in the end. I may have scares but let us not forget that even our risen Lord has scares!!!

The other night I read about two words. My and Mine. I read a beautiful insight about the story of Abraham and Isaac. It talked about how Abraham loved his son so much that it was like an obsession. Abraham was a very Godly man, for lack of a better word, but he valued his son to much. Abraham loved his son so much that he let his love hinder Him from being able to completely surrender to God. To make a long story short, God had to show Abraham that he had to surrender everything to God. So by telling Abraham to sacrifice his beloved son, God was taking away the one thing that was challenging His place on the thrown of Abraham’s life. Obviously he did not take Isaac then but he did test Abraham enough to show him that although he had much, he possessed nothing. After Abraham's hard but amazing experience, he probably never used the words my and mine the same again. He was free from these words.

I want that. I want to be freed from my sense of possession. If that means that I have to be broken in such a way that I will feel like God has taken everything, so be it. It is a hard truth for me to grasp to think that even my beloved family and friends are not mine. They are His. I cannot stand in the way of His will for them and I cannot let them stand in the way of His will for me. That is something that scares me. I am planning to go to Sierra Leone, Africa next semester for 4 months. It will hurt to have to leave those that I love so much but I know that I am going to be challenged and going grow. I hope that I am able to take to heart the concept of servant hood and put it into action while I am gone. I know I need to continue to pray about this trip and His will for it. I would appreciate anyone else’s prayers as well.

That’s it for now.

Haley Kate